I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just threw up on my dentist
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
