I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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