Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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