someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my being single is dangerous.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
