can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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