Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize