Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
