I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize