tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Only a mothe r could love this liver
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
