I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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