last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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