i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
