So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
