wanna go halves on a baby?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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