proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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