apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
