Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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