You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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