literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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