we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
