Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Randomize
