I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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