I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
