The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
