I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
