Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize