His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
