Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
