everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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