i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
