The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
