Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

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(954): View more from Florida

Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet

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(858): View more from California

I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

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(347): View more from New York

sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..

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(773): View more from Illinois

Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.

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