wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
