there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
