I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
