i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your penis caused this!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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