We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
