i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
