I love black thongs
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize