Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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