I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
