I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I understand Curling. That high.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize