I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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