I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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