Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize