I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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