I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
