was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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