Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize