just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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