just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
