I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
