im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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