i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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