You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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