If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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