Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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