A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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