Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
