i just google imaged poop.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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