Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
