I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
