i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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