Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
