I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
