Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
