im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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