i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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