Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
