I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize