I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
