I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she peed on how many people?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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