I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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