Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
