well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
