It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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