She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
