So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
