yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize