Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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