In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize