Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
