That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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