You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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