Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
