they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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