I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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