what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
