so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
