No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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