how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
