All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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