She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
