I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
