so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
