I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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