put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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