I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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