That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
